Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
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