...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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