Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
