Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
