ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
