Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
