I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
