we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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