I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
how does that bad decision feel?
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