1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
