he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
