before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
