It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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