So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
