Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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