He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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