if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
