toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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