I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
