six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
