I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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