I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
