On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
