Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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