Define "chronic" masturbator.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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