ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
