Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
