I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
