The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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