Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
