Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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