I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
