just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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