What a fucking waste of an outfit
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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