Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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