I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
