Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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