We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
