i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
