omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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