I got chris browned last night
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
