also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
