My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
