he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
