we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
