I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
