It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
