Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
