Define "chronic" masturbator.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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