remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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