woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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