uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
