i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
