no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have already put on my inside pants.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
