One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
