im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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