Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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