WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
