i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
